~ The Self-Defense of Nothingness ~

Caught in this state

Of consciousness,

This search for the lighter side of being,

The way out of this grey-filled mess,

To a place where I'm not caught between

Love and hate,

Or else, apathy.

Where the system of thought

Has shut down and gone dim,

And the thought of thinking,

Sinking the desire to try to swim,

Toward the light.

But even then, the hope still floats

And won't do what it ought,

Or chokes the throats

Of unseen tears and the constant fight.

Still…the spirit of survival refuses

To give up or give in and so

What it chooses,

Is this nebulous reality of in-between;

Caught twixt love and hate,

And the apathy I know,

And the desire of the dream.

The outside keeps trying

While the inside is dying,

And the mind fights for freedom

Of the heart's cruel cries.

But for every step forward,

The battle causes two back,

While the soul referees toward

A place where everything comes from,

And only blank nothingness lies.




I think,

I am forgetting what it means to be human.


~ C.L.R. ~ © 2007